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How can you forgive the unforgivable?

Jul 12, 2018

If you listen to some of the most influential spiritual gurus, you may have heard them say that everything that has happened to you whether good or bad, you created it. While some may agree, some may have a hard time wrapping their head around how they “created” the death of a loved one, sexual assault, modern-day slavery and the list goes on.  

It can be difficult to cope when you experience a traumatic event, especially when you were harmed by someone you thought you can trust. Many people encourage you to forgive, but how can you forgive when the action was unforgivable?

It can be challenging to forgive a person when you are still hurt, humiliated, shameful and have feelings of guilt. However, holding onto the pain inflicted upon you can cause so much physical and mental stress. Forgiving is easier said than done, but when you learn to forgive, you will feel empowered and free.  When you forgive, you can experience:

  • Improved mental health
  • Healthier relationships
  • A peace of mind
  • Improved physical health ( low blood pressure, reduced anxiety)
  • Have more joy in your life

So, how can you forgive when the pain is to heavy on your heart?  

Acceptance- Many causes of suffering is caused by not accepting what has occurred. It can be difficult to accept that certain things happened to you. And, yes, some of the things are not fair. However, the first step to forgiveness is accepting the fact that traumatic events occurred and unfortunately, cannot be reversed. However, acceptance doesn’t mean you have to forget about what has happened. It doesn’t mean that you will overcome the hurt and pain.

Forgiveness– When you forgive someone who hurt you, you do not have to forgive them face to face if you choose not to do so. However, forgiveness is less about the person who harmed you and more about you. Forgiveness means to let go of the resentment, hurt, and pain that you feel on a daily basis.  

Seek Counseling: It may be difficult to forgive someone immediately, and you don’t have to forgive someone right away. It takes time to heal and make peace with the events that have occurred.

If you are having a hard time with forgiveness, we encourage you to seek support from a spiritual advisor, a therapist, or a close friend or family.  Journaling your thoughts and feelings may also help alleviate some of the grief that you are experiencing on a daily basis.

While it may be challenging to forgive someone, it is possible! Forgiveness is not about forgetting, it’s about letting go. Once you learn to forgive, you will have more joy, peace, and happiness in your life. Take all the time you need to cope and get the right support to help you prepare for forgiveness.